In my humble opinion, giving kids extra duties as punishments, is bound to make them associate housework with having done something wrong, and, is, therefore, going to make them feel as if it is a method of your “picking on” them. For this reason, I do not punish kids by giving them chores.
In addition, Don Aslett books suggest not saying simple things most moms say, which I still catch myself saying, such as, “please help me to clean…” Even having your husband refrain from saying, “We all need to help mom more,” suggests it is mom’s job and everyone in the family has to help her, since she is incapable or lazy about doing her own job. Our culture needs to change phrase by phrase.
Instead, you can replace it with something like, “Let’s all do our parts in keeping the home livable.” Your husband can even use the same phrase. “Everyone helps the family to be happy by everyone pitching in to help EVERYONE.” Just try not to say, “Help mom.”
It is not mom’s job to clean the house. It is not mom’s job to do laundry. It is not mom’s job to do yard care. It is not mom’s job to do child care (unless everyone else in house is too young). It is not mom’s job to do the grocery or clothes or any kind of shopping. It is not mom’s job to cook. It is not mom’s job to get ready to go places. Everyone pitches in with everything they can. Assigned or owned jobs, by mom or by dad, are bad ideas.