Here is my dream from last night.
I just had a dream last night that I was in a mall. The only shops there were gender-neutral. Great numbers of young adults were there celebrating with confetti in gawdy clownish costumes with make-up and wigs. They were singing, dancing and celebrating the absence of genderism in the mall and in society. They were dancing and sining all over the mall, up high, down low, climbing on displays which went to the ceiling and so forth. There were food courts and people were getting and eating a huge variety of foods, too.
I heard that there was only one store owner in the mall that had not accepted this, and refused to sell gender-neutral things or allow anti-genderist groups to come sing and dance in his store. I heard the history from someone, also. He had refused 20 years before, to allow a Lesbian group to come and perform in front of his store a very sexual and immoral dance with little to no clothing on. Ever since, nobody had shopped at his store, yet his shop was still there. His stood resolute with a determined look on his face, ready to sell his wares. I kept trying to get to this one unique store, but I could not. There were too many people in my way. Also, all my friends and family there with me at the mall were celebrating with the anti-genderists. (That is the name I came up with for them).
I think my dream includes symbolism. I think that perhaps this man who is the unique shop owner represents God himself, abandoned by the people of the world, yet still there, on the ready, determined and unchanging. I think that perhaps the mall represents the world. What of my role in the dream? Does this mean it will get increasingly more difficult to get God’s word in this world? Will there be blockages of people in my way? If so, I think I need to get to this “shop” now and just stay there. Of course, a person does not live in a mall. It is only a place one visits now and then. Will it be harder to get to the temple? Perhaps that is it. Perhaps this unique shop that will not let the world in, is the temple (of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints). I think I need to go there more often! We all do!
Dreams and Visions
I read this post From Raising Arrows today. It is very good. I do not feel exactly the same way, but I feel close to the way this woman feels. She talks about why mothers of large families do not share what it is really like to be a mother of many (and a homeschooling one, at that).
One thing she said is that we do not want others to think or say that we should not complain, as we brought it upon ourselves (You chose to have this many, so now live with the consequences!). This is for sure the one I agree with the most. I cannot possibly share with others what my life is like day to day because most around me do not have this many kids and most around me do not chose to homeschool their children.
I have been given negative judgements about both homeschooling and having a large family so many times. I know the probability that someone will say something negative is great. I am usually wary that they might tell me how I could easily get them into public school, so why do I not do that?! I am also very aware that there is a great chance they will say something about how I should not have had yet another child.
I hate, hate, hate the question about whether a pregnancy was a surprise or whether it was planned. In my opinion, this is only for my husband and me to know. I wish I had the guts to tell people I feel that way. I also hate the question about whether we are done. This is something very rude to ask, in my opinion. When you hear I am having a hysterectomy, you will now that we have decided we are done. It is not polite to ask us. It is none of your business. In truth, even getting a hysterectomy is none of anyone’s business, either, except the couple’s.
I read a comment under the post above that said that the homeschooling mom of many who wrote the article should tell everyone the truth and leave it up to the other person to choose to be kind or unkind. She said that mothers like her NOT sharing what it is really like make other moms who compare themselves to others think that everything that mom does is amazing, and wonder why she herself is not that capable. She said for that reason, the author of the post should lay the truth out there.
I can see the point the commenter is making, but I disagree. The post’s author has been judged too many times and does not need the negative energy coming her way. Not only will others judge for the reasons given, but they will also tell her she disciplines wrong or should not have done this or that, or that somehow, she parents wrong or does not take enough time for herself, or whatever. This, we have also heard much of. We have been a parent for quite a while. We have decided what we like and don’t like by way of disciplining and we don’t want to tell others how we do it. It is not because we do not want others to learn from us. It is more than likely that we know that anyone, from a person with no kids to a person with two to a person with 5 kids, will likely tell us we should try this or should not have done it that way. We just don’t want the advice. Honestly, if we want advice from you because we trust you, you are a good friend and we like the way you discipline, we will ask you for advice. If we do not ask, don’t give it to us. We did not ask for it.
Just last week, I heard that I should have grounded my children because of lack of help around the house. I decided I did not like the idea of grounding while I was a kid watching my friends be grounded. I don’t believe in it and these are my children so I get to decide. Sometimes I do tell them they cannot do this or that activity unless they do their homeschool dailies and chores, and we stick to that, but I do not ground them. I still let them do other things, even outside of our yard. How I discipline my children is really my choice UNLESS I am physically harming them (which is when you should come get my child and take the child to your house to live for a few days because it means I have temprarily lost it, because I do not believe in that)!
I will tell you what it is like, little by little, in blog posts. I cannot possibly tell you all at once like you are a hard drive and can download all of it. You cannot, so if you wish to know what it is really like to homeschool many children and just want it little bit by little bit, then just subscribe to my blog posts and you will get them via E-mail as soon as I write them.
I will tell you this. These past couple months have been SO HARD! I am so glad some of the homeschool classes are over with. I am glad we get to rest a little. More will be over with after next week. Then we will officially have a break from outside learning for a bit. It will be nice to just stay home and sleep in (no early morning seminary).
My daughter and I conversed this morning. It came up that she has a belief that because she thinks that other homeschooled and public schooled kids her age are signed up for more classes, that they must be learning more than she is. This makes her conclude that she is “behind” her peers. When questioning further, I found out that she does not know that they are signed up for more classes than she is. She just thinks they are. Why? Because they seem busier.
It makes me sad, but I cannot be surprised, because here in the U.S. in our suburbian neighborhood, it is our culture (which we should not be proud of) to believe that the busier one is, the better a person they are. I am positive that this industrialized attitude is not a good one, having read “Don Quixote” and having lived in Chile during my LDS mission there.
Having read about Don Quixote striving to keep the culture of home production and knights guarding a lord’s township, as opposed to welcoming industrialization (the windmill), I believe our culture has gone into a negative cultural set of traditions, thinking they were a positive set. Having lived in Chile among a people who would never allow being busy to take away their time to relax and be happy among family and friends, I truly think our culture is a huge mess socially, mentally and emotionally to think that being busier is being better.
Can we please try to get over this lie our culture has fed us in the U.S.A.?
One reason that it is hard for me to stay a mother who is not worrying about earning money was said very well by my friend recently. She said 90% of the mothers she talks to regularly in her LDS ward are earning money by working a job of some sort. She said it is so hard for her because she keeps feeling a push to do what she got her education to do, and earn money doing it. am almost always feeling pushed toward that, too. She said she is capable. She can do it. She would be good at it. I know she has the education and experience!
I am almost always feeling the same temptation. I know I am good at the money earning career of graphic design business owner. I am very good at it. I know our culture does not believe that a woman who homeschools her children instead of earning money in a career she is trained for, is a successful one. I know our society believes I am wasting my education.
I also can see that this same culture is the very same that is teaching my daughter about its beliefs. They are leading her to believe that because her colleagues seem to be busier than she is, that they are ahead of her in life. It is so sad that she feels this way. I do not know how to help her to see. Oh, I have one idea, though. I really need to have a good, long talk with her and maybe even recommend some reading. I also need to help her experience cultures of less hurrying and scheduling. She also needs to see that even in cultures of less overscheduling and hurry, there is great success and happiness and some of the people are maybe even better and some even more educated, people.
Relaxing is wise. It is not foolish or a waste of time. It helps with happiness. Being scheduled every minute of every day is foolish. That culture of hurry and overscheduling is part of the reason people need drugs for depression and part of the reason so many people feel they need to sign up to do even more. They feel unsatisfied, which means they need more joy. More joy will only come if they let go of more things and have less on their schedule.
I have another thing. This is the big one.
When Jesus spoke to the woman of Samaria at the well to tell her about the living waters, why was he sitting there when she came? When was Jesus too busy to talk to someone? Did he have a schedule? He probably had a routine. He walked places. He sat and taught people. He taught people while walking.
Now let us think on the disciples who had to leave their jobs to become His twelve apostles. Why did they have to leave their jobs first? Why did they have to stop doing what they were busy doing in order to learn from and serve alongside, the Savior?
How is being busy so good, then, if Jesus could not have a busy person be His Apostle?
Can LDS missionaries have a job while on their missions? Why would that not work? It would not work because they cannot be busy with other things. They must be busy serving the Lord. Their schedule must be open enough to find people and to teach those people the gospel.
Can a person really feel and hear the promptings of the Holy Ghost going from one scheduled event after another in a tight, inflexible schedule? Not really. How is there time for that?
These things bring me to the conclusion that being busier does not mean being a better disciple of Christ. I believe a better person is one who realizes they need forgiveness, so they need to drop everything and follow the Savior.
Now onto the next topic. My daughter believes that people who appear to be busier public schooled and homeschooled students, are learning more than she is and are ahead of her in life. Our first instinct is to want to compare one child’s learning to another’s. For this, we would most likely, in our day, turn to standardized testing.
That is not what I will do here. If you believe standardized testing shows things clearly and accurately and tells the gruth about all of the important things, then in my opinion, you are messed up by our idiot U.S. culture, which is why you cannot see clearly.
Another insinct our culture would have you go toward to know whether a busier student is a more educated one, is to performances and displays. These shows of talent are ever so popular in our day and in our culture. They do not mean that a person is more educated, either. One who believes that a person who can perform or display things, is well-educated, is also messed up by our culture.
What standards will I go by, then? Why, God’s. I know. Shocking, right? Why did God see a boy who kept sheep as the person to fight Goliath? I will answer that with another question. Why did David himself know he could fight Goliath and win? I am sure you know: He knew God would deliver him! That is a truly well-educated person as an example for you. From my point of view, a good education is one that gives a person faith and trust in, and dependence on, God and Jesus Christ. If everything else is know and understood, what good does it do if not on a foundation of faith in God and Jesus Christ. It is all like rotted organic matter turning into black dust.
This is how I know my daughter is not behind:
- She loves her family.
- She loves God and Jesus Christ.
- She listens to the Holy Ghost.
- She prays to Heavenly Father and reads the scriptures with extreme intent on learning and understanding them.
- She serves others with the love of Christ.
- She works hard at housework and helping around the house and yard.
- She works hard at academic learning and excels at learning whateter is put in front of her.
- She is humble and teachable.
- She has extremely strong desires to always do what God leads her to do.
My daughter is not behind.
Another thing I have to say is this: What is “behind,” really? Even in academics, is there a way to compare one person to another for real? No. One person has a talent for mechanics and is awesome at fixing anything. Another has a talent for mountain climbing and can lead people up Mount Everest on a daily basis. Are these people ahead or behind a person who wins the worldwide contest for concert pianists? What of the mother who gives birth to her first child? Is she ahead or behind the person who just paplied for a patent on their first invention?
These are things we cannot compare. These accomplishments cannot be compared and people cannot truly and accurately be compared. People were never meant to be compared and life is not a race to get to a finish line. Is death a finish line? Is an amount of money or an academic degree a finish line? No. None of these ae a finish line. If there is no finish line, then there is no “ahead” and there is no “behind.”
Therefore, my daughter cannot possibly be “behind.”
What to believe, do and teach:
- teach freedom of assembly and religion
- attend church on Sundays
- have family home evening every Monday
- Have family prayer and family scripture study
- Have a belief in romantic love leading to marriage between one man and one woman to create a family
- Have a belief in adoption over abortion
- Have a belief in having babies and caring for them
- teach the gospel and scriptures
- be lead by a prophet
- teach A Proclamation to the Family
- share the gospel with others
- pay your fast offerings
- pay your tithing
- A belief that peace comes through Christ after obedience and righteousness
- A belief that the natural man is an enemy to God (Mosiah 3:19)
- A belief in the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, the father of our spirits, who loves us because we are His spirit children.
- A belief in an all-powerful God whom we need to obey.
- A believe in obedience to the commandments of God
- A belief that we are created in the image of God and we are His Spirit Children
- A belief that we can trust God
- A belief in Jesus Christ, in that He has power to overcome physical and spiritual death
- A belief in the principles of, and receiving the ordinances of, the gospel
- A belief in eternal families, family history work and temples
- Teach the correct truths about government and history
- Teach the correct truths in all academic subjects
- Believe in, fight for and teach the importance of, Local Control
- Believe in, fight for and teach the importance of, representative government and a constitutional republic
- Believe in, fight for and teach the importance of, local police
- Believe in, fight for and teach the importance of, our job being to hire and supervise the government
SDG’s Sustainable Development Goals, Agenda 2030
Where in these goals are the following?
- Sovereign nations
- Sovereign states
- Sovereign cities
- Sovereign families
- The right to life for every human
- Freedom of Religion
- Freedom of speech
- The right to bear arms
- Freedom of Assembly
- The right to own property and land, to have one’s own food and water
- a belief in the 10 commandments
- The right to use rainwater and vegetation to sustain your life
- citizen owned and controlled capital (“capitalism”)
- The right for parents to raise their own children
- The right to give birth to children and to raise one’s own children
- Representative Government
- God-given rights (not U.N. given rights)
The first thing I did a couple of years ago was take him in for an eye exam. He needed glasses for far-sightedness, which means things are blurry when up-close. This gave him trouble with worksheets and reading. When that was figured out, his reading improved a huge step, but something was still not right.
Having a few other children whom I had taught or helped teach to read, I knew this was not the same. He was struggling with things my other children had not struggled with. Researching online, I came to an educated guess that he is dyslexic. I also came to the conclusion that dyslexia does not make it impossible to learn to read. It just makes its instruction take more time and patience.
Today he read about 6 pages in “Frolic and Do-Funny” and all of the other books in the photo completely. I have been having him read to me every day for about an hour. I stop when I can tell he is getting tired of it and worn out (which is easy to tell). I am happy that he is getting faster at reading, makes mistakes less often and recognizes more words. It has been hard work but it is becoming worth it now.
I love the joy on his face now as he can enjoy the stories more readily now because he is reading faster and more smoothly. I know we still have a long way to go to get him reading as well as his siblings, but that is okay. It is now becoming a more enjoyable journey. I love sitting with him and having him read to me!
I saw many strategies for dyslexic reading instruction online. I think the best method is simply love, patience and time. It is having the child read to you every day while you love your child. It is knowing that it is okay that your child has been told that word 300 times and still does not recognize it yet. It is telling your child what the word is in a calm voice yet again because you know that dyslexia is hard and you are okay with your child taking his or her time learning that word.
Today I am going to address something personal and close to home not only for me, but for many large families who are noticing that they cannot keep up with the small families who have every one of their children on a recreational team this season.
We have a large family. I cannot find it right now, but I know I read somewhere once that a large family chose to replace community league recreational t-ball, softball and baseball, with going to play at a baseball diamond as a family. This sounds so much better for my family than what we are trying to do right now.
With a large family, community recreation league ball means that every child has different practices and different locations for practices, sometimes on different days but sometimes the same day at the same time. This splits up the family, but since we cannot leave the younger children home alone, we must take everyone along and let the younger kids play on the playground. For a mother who has dishes to do and cannot be there with the dishes and dishwater, this is a ridiculous waste of 2 hours a day and 6 days a week (12 hours a week)!
This would not be a big deal were it one practice or game once a week, but we have a large family. It is too much. It is every single night. Many nights, it is a few games a night or a few practices per night. We are never home in the evenings. We do not have time to make dinner, eat dinner and clean up dinner together. We do not have time to clean the house and prepare for the next day of homeschooling, which is really very important. It is also very exhausting. I have no prep time to prepare for the next day of homeschooling. We have no time to fold and put away laundry.
When my husband and I are watching and caring for the children not in the game or practice, and also watching the child in the game, we really am not getting the kind of workouts we would get were we actually running fast and hard. We mostly watch and stand still. We do a bit of chasing of a toddler or preschooler now and then, but it is not enough for the workout we need.
We like having our kids play basketball and baseball. We like our kids to swim. I think we need to find a free court once a week in which to play basketball, just us, in basketball season, together as a whole family. I think we can find a spare field in the spring and summer and early fall to play baseball together as a whole family. We can get a yearly family membership in the local swimming pool and teach our kids to swim. Our family really is large enough. We could do it! I really think we should. All of us would be scheduled at the same time and all of us could participate and exercise. It would be a unifying family time of exercise and the children would even get more participation time.
If we want it to be a larger social thing for the children, it can be. I know there are other families that would love to join us and have their entire family play ball at the same time, along with our family. Extended family and friends would gladly join in if invited. Strangers would see us and ask if they can join in. At the pool, we will have other children all around us. We will not be isolated socially.
Pictures? Yes, photos are wonderful. We can also snap photos, just like we do with rec sports and swim lessons. We can create a different kind of family memories. After all, we are different, being that we have a large family and we homeschool our children.
Our family is large and a large family is not extinct but rare. Large family living does not fit into the culture of the world around us. We have to be creative and have a different lifestyle than that of the mainstream. We have to figure out how to live a large family life in a way that makes our family happy and healthy, spiritually, mentally, physically, emotionally and socially. This is my solution. I hope we can do it after this year’s obsessive baseball season is over! This mom is fed up with recreational sports. They just do not work with large family life at all!
Related post, which I commented on: